What if I don’t have anything meaningful to say?…
What if it doesn’t come out right?…
I’m too busy…
These are just a few of the thoughts that have been keeping me from writing. (Well, that and the very real fact that my husband and I did welcome our first child in September 2015).
I thought I was further along than that. I thought the Lord had commended my soul to push forward past these doubts and distractions. I mean – look at the post I originally wrote on October 2, 2014. “It’s not about how perfectly or imperfectly I write…it’s out of this desire to center on Someone far greater than myself that I’m laying down my expectations, putting aside my fears of what others may think, and committing to use my knowledge of writing for whatever the Lord may purpose. Because it’s not about me; it’s about Him.”
So where did I go wrong? Why did I allow my same doubts, same fears, same frustrations, to taint my faithfulness to this call one more time?
The answer is simple: I started to make it about me – again.
Scripture is clear about this drive to look too much at ourselves. Pre fall —> no shame. Post fall —> shame. How do you have shame? You focus on yourself. Was there no cause for shame before the fall? I don’t think so. Think of children, the ones that Jesus says the kingdom of heaven belongs to (Matthew 19:14); just because they feel no shame at their actions doesn’t mean there is no cause for shame. Many of us are empowered as we watch them brazenly dance in their diapers, jump around like maniacs, or say silly phrases. So what’s the difference?… They’re not focused on themselves. And there is such beauty in that.
Corrie Ten Boom once so beautifully coined the following concept : “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God, you’ll be at rest.” Are there any truer words?
So here is my confession: I have once again allowed fear of failure (or not measuring up to my ideals) keep me from writing. And if I’m doing this, I’m guessing that there are others who are sitting on their talents, so to speak, as well.
Join me in saying, “no.” It is difficult to find time to process life and encourage others in the ways in which we’ve been called. But God will provide us the energy and drive to accomplish the tasks that we’ve been given to do. We must continue to be present.
This winter, Chris and I have started working out again to try to get back into shape and counteract those bothersome winter blues. Through the studio at which I exercise, I heard the following idea, “the only workout you fail at is the one for which you didn’t show up.”
I believe God calls us to do the same. We must show up for the work that He’s given us to do. So let’s do it. Let’s stop obsessing about what’s inside or outside, keep our eyes on Christ, accept His grace over us when we fail, and move forward to do what He calls us to do. One step at a time.